Tomorrow, I’m heading off for a mini-getaway before heading out of town for work after this weekend.

I burn it pretty hard, I’m realizing.  I used to think that I had it in me – where it is both the energy and desire to keep pushing through, keep producing, make some cool things.  Though, I’m not sure I’m convinced I have either any more… at least not to continue with this pace.

The most frustrating question behind the issue is “Why am I doing this?”

It isn’t necessarily that I’m approaching burn-out.  It’s not that I’m loathing pixel or press of a key.

I am, however, beginning to feel as though I’m always working.

Maybe this is over-dramatic.  If I call myself a “creative” then there are thoughts, and dreams, and (dare I say?) there is art that has to come out.  Because at least half of my time is spent at what is essentially writing software, does that negate the art that happens when I’m gazing through the photoshop window at what lives on the other side?

From May until August I wrote exactly zero entries on this blog.  My psyche suffered.  The largest contributor to my lapse of expression was that I simply took on too much and balancing all of the plates meant that something had to crash.

This is unacceptable.

And yet, even as I get ready to head out of town, to relax on the beach – I know that my mind will be on many other things.  It will be on my websites, this blog.

Perhaps, there’s room for both.  I can’t deny the creative spirit and it’s often excruciating to suppress it.  At the same time, just as we need to exhale – to share what’s in us with the world – if we are to live, we must also make time to inhale – to breathe in the people, the places, and the wonders around us.

One comment

  1. Dude!!! been there felt that… this is not a recipe and i don’t pretend to look like i have an answer to the feeling you are experience…

    You just asked the question yourself: “Why am I doing this?” when i loose the vision, the reason why, the purpose of what I do, usually is when i get discouraged.

    This is what I do:
    1.-Avoid a any cost to get swamped in work to cover pure financial needs
    2.- Allow yourself to do a photo session, a website, a piece of music… just for free for someone else
    3.- Find time to think about that first Love you had when you started what you have accomplished so far
    4.- In time of confusion “Be Still and know that I’m God”… be still and listen to God’s voice and be ready for huge changes

    I believe some times God prepares us in some areas to be used in other completely different

    the keyword here is….”Vision” “Where there is no vision people perish” The lack of a clear vision of where you are going makes you feel lost, tired and then makes you wonder… “why am I doing this again?” next thing you know you are quitting something and you where so close the next level…

    Wish we could talk more… hope this helps

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